Sleep Expectations

I was reading an interesting article from Mind looking at the relationship between sleep and mental health. You can follow this link to Mind’s article which includes tips on ways to manage and practice healthy sleep routines: How to cope with sleep problems

I thought I would share some of my own thoughts on sleep difficulty. Mental health, anxiety, stress, physical pain, hormonal changes, and noisy neighbours can impact on night-time rest. It can be challenging and upsetting when sleep is disturbed, or insomnia takes over. You may find yourself fighting with unhelpful thoughts, berating yourself for not being able to sleep, tossing and turning and getting up in the early hours of the morning, so as not to disturb your partner or because you are frustrated at being awake. This cycle can become relentless and debilitating, affecting how you feel the next day, impacting on your work and leaving you feeling stressed and irritable.

What you can do

Adopting a healthy sleep routine is a really good way to help you settle at night, and there are various suggestions about this on Mind’s article. If you don’t feel able to resist the urge to look at your phone, get an alarm clock and leave your phone out of reach, so you’re not temped to look at social media or the news, as this can become a habit that is hard to break. The temptation to keep checking the time will not help you relax but will highlight that sleep has evaded you for however many hours. Try treating yourself with kindness by simply acknowledging how your sleep experience is, without judgment ‘ok sleep isn’t easy for me tonight, so I’m going to rest’. 

This concept might be challenging if you are someone who has an active mind and generally keeps busy, finding it tricky to relax without occupying yourself. Some people find reading helps them to nod off, personally I find it hard to put a book down once I start reading, so end up staying awake.

As you lay in bed, see if you can feel any tension in your body, acknowledge any discomfort like aching neck or back, twitchy legs, racing thoughts and focus on your breathing, breathe self-compassion into your active mind, aching body or noise disturbance. Focus on rest rather than sleep.

Getting caught up in thoughts like ‘why am I not sleeping’, ‘what’s wrong with me’, ‘other people sleep well’ or ‘what’s causing this?’ can be unhelpful and the more you fret about not sleeping, the more of an issue it can become. If this feels too difficult, then getting up and making a warm caffeine free drink and sitting for a short time in a darkened room, maybe reading something that’s not too stimulating for ten to twenty minutes might just be enough of a distraction for your brain that you can then return to your bed, and settle. 

Experts might disagree with getting up, but I personally find it can take the pressure off ‘trying’ to sleep, if you are going through a particularly difficult phase of not sleeping.  However, it is important to make sure this tactic does not become habit forming.

If your thoughts are on a loop about something that is troubling you, try writing it down or even watching a short programme to distract your brain.  Distraction can be helpful in the short term but if you are struggling with difficult thoughts as an ongoing problem, seeking support through counselling would be beneficial as constantly distracting from the matter could become avoidance of dealing with the deeper issue. 

I used to worry I wasn’t getting enough sleep because I would wake earlier through the summer months, but once I recognised my thoughts ‘why am I waking up’ and ‘this is so annoying’ or ‘I’m going to be tired all day’, I stopped worrying and embraced having more time to leisurely ready myself for the day ahead.  Now I enjoy the quietness of an early morning walk.  I also noticed that once I stopped judging my sleep experience and stopped telling myself that I knew I would be woken by the daylight, this changed.

What do you tell yourself that is not helpful?

Can you acknowledge these thoughts with compassion and begin the challenging process of letting go?

As always, I encourage you to find your own way, try things, find what works for you.

words and image: Lisa Buckingham   2^nd June 2020