Self Care

In my work I encourage clients to ‘self-care’.  Some of us have grown up not knowing how to do this, as we may have had parents who did not know how to nurture their self.  If you care for others, whether that is professionally or because you have elderly parents, children with special needs or you have an extremely busy life or for whatever reason, self-care can seem impossible to achieve, even the thought of trying to implement it might add stress to your day.  My invitation is to gently put in place some simple actions, remembering not to judge yourself, if at times, you realise you haven’t quite got there.

 

In my self-care reminder, I have added some suggestions.  You could create your own by sitting with pen and paper for a few minutes and making a note of activities you know help you to feel nurtured or have an idea that you would like to try.  REMEMBER if time is an issue, keep it simple.

 

Boundaries:  What I am encouraging relates to putting personal boundaries in place, making time for yourself You are setting boundaries by simply checking in with yourself, becoming aware, saying ‘no’, not taking responsibility for others, taking responsibility for yourself, speaking up when something isn’t ok for you, listening to yourself and meeting your own needs. 

Kindness:  Self-care is about being kind to yourself, and when you show yourself kindness you will find your capacity to be kind to others will expand.  If you are suffering from stress or burn-out this can impact on how empathic you are.  You might notice that you criticise yourself or others or are short tempered.  My top tip for this is treat yourself as you would a small child or pet who is distressed, soothing words and soothing actions.

Laughter:  There’s nothing like a good belly laugh to lift you.  Maybe you have a favourite film or programme.  I like Frasier – 30 minutes of something that takes no brain work and just leaves me chuckling.  Finding joy in life is essential in a time where we all seem to be ‘BUSY busy’ and there are lots of stressors, sad or anxiety invoking stories in the media.

Fulfilling:  I like spending time in nature, nothing like a half day walk in the countryside with loved ones or if I’m short on time, a five-minute potter around the garden.  You might like to read, listen to music or a podcast, art or creative activity or exercise.

Space:   This is something I struggled with for many years, not liking my own company.  Having spent time on day retreats in silence, I have discovered I have the ability and enjoy the benefits of having ‘alone-time’.  If this is something you’re not comfortable with, maybe just start with five minutes – it’s not meant to feel like punishment or torture and you may need to have an activity in mind if you are not comfortable with just being.

Self-Compassion:  This is one can be tricky for a lot of people.  This might simply mean noticing any harsh thoughts you have about yourself for example “I’m so stupid, I got that totally wrong,” “Why did I eat that, I’m so fat and ugly,” “nobody likes me, I am a horrible person.”  Often we make judgements about ourselves, without even realising and when we first recognise this, it can be a shock.  Being gentle for me means noticing the thoughts but not trying to force change.  Maybe turning the volume down just a touch, like you would on a radio that’s too loud.

Restful:  By being restful, I don’t mean sleep, although if you need a cat nap, 10 - 20 minutes might be what you need.  Being restful can involve nurturing activities - I like a massage.  I also like to feed the birds in the garden as I find it restful to just sit and watch them flitting from the garden wall to the feeder.  Again, it might be a gentle activity that slows you down, reading, art, craft or simply a warm bath.

Social activity: Social interaction is an activity that supports mental and physical health as we are beings that thrive on meaningful and healthy connections.  Engaging with others can provide a support network and reduce feelings of loneliness and stimulating the brain.  This can be achieved by mixing with people with similar interests, for example through a walking/art/social/group, meeting a friend for a cuppa, college course, church or community group.

 

Most importantly, remember that my words are an invitation for you to trust yourself and find out what works for you in your own way by creating your own self-care reminder.